(Snapshots) pt2 – the Judge, his Wife and the Spade…

The loop of breath breaks

The soul found its peace

Idrees and Inayat stood facing each other. He was at the door holding a pistol to his temple.

“What do you do in the afternoon?” shrieked Idrees.

Inayat couldn’t say anything except “Babajaana…” with shock.

what…are you doing?

“What do you do behind my back?” he said through his tears and quivering gasps.

“Babajaana…” with desperation.

what do you want? Please

He asked his questions again, with increasing ferocity and confusion. His body began shaking. Inayat tried to make herself heard, ” Please come inside. Put it away please…”

He heard none of it. He kept repeating his questions like a broken record. “Tell me… what is wrong?” Inayat shouted. Idrees remembered asking the exact same question to his mother. His mind travelled to the past and Inayat, the pistol and everything vanished from before his eyes as he recalled her reply. “What is wrong!! Tell me how can you trust a woman who can easily go against the values taught to her? How can you be sure she won’t loose her morals and character for another man?” When he returned, a little amount of confusion cleared from Idrees’ mind and Inayat had come closer to him. She wanted to snatch the pistol, he read her mind.

He pushed her away. She fell. She stayed down and stared at the tiny, yellow flowers on the carpet. The pistol was a new variable, but all this was not too different. It should be…

“After all that I had to give up for you…”

After all this time…

“My mother knew it but I didn’t listen…”

I came to know soon but I listened to my heart…

“Those boys,” he sobbed, his hands moved around with more agitation as the allegations poured out of his mouth, “they said… said you… my daughter…”

So easy to believe them…

“I hate you.”

She looked up and saw the pistol pointing at her. She saw into his eyes. loved you.

He saw the hurt in her eyes and put the pistol back on his temple. He stood there crying unable to do anything. Coward…spineless

Inayat got up and walked upto Idrees, dragging the weight of his stony heart she couldn’t melt. She recounted every trangression he made against her love – finding faults when there were none, paternity tests, taking every chance to put her down, making her suffocate within her home

Another 16 years will easily go by…

When both Inayat and Idrees thought she was going to take away the pistol, she pulled the trigger. I am just tired.

Inayat stood before at the spade and mattock wondering which tool would help her dig a grave of their love. Ehlam and Ehtesham who saw everything, from the fight to the grave, were taught to forgive their father but they never knew how to forgive their mother.

Link for part 1 — https://undulyunruly.wordpress.com/2018/06/04/snapshots-the-judge-his-wife-and-the-spade/













9 thoughts on “(Snapshots) pt2 – the Judge, his Wife and the Spade…

  1. Nice! Captures the insanity of jealousy and the accumulated fatigue of having to bear the brunt of it for far too long. No one will judge, nor should judge, Inayat for pulling the trigger. . . for being tired and for putting the tormented Idrees out of his misery . . .

      1. . . . agreed: a gun carelessly lying about the house is never a good thing, although I’ve nothing against guns as such. I own more of them than I probably should. But they are all safely under lock and key, not readily accessible. I keep them only for the purpose of hunting game . . .

        . . . on the other hand, if my emotions were ever to get the better of me, say, in the manner of Idrees’s, what good would the lock on the gun cabinet be given that I have access to the key?

        Best not to threaten suicide with a gun to the temple in a moment of personal crisis, then. If you are going to kill yourself, let it be for rational reasons and in a state of calm deliberation. A gun is an unforgiving thing.

        But then how does one guard against a momentary upsurge of insanity?

        1. First of all, Inayat and Idrees are both crazies, no matter how relatable their problem and situation may seem. I romanticized a twisted tale in every possible way which does not mean what they choose to do is justified in any way be it killing others or oneself or being insanely suspicious or jealous(in Idree’s case) or being too indulgent of such behaviour in the name of love (in case of Inayat). Now I really wish I had written a disclaimer.
          Gun is not unforgiving. It is just a variable(present or absent), in an equation we have full control of composing. In real life, we always have better choices and better options, if only we are willing to see them. Umm…Idrees is an unstable person. Someone who never opened up. If he had reached out to professional help rather than spending money on a gun, he could have had good life with his wife.
          We have control over our mind and emotions, they can only get the best of us if we allow them to.
          By living in our minds, we as Idrees did drive ourselves to insanity. Why can’t we keep a check on ourselves? Why can’t we struggle against our demons and teach ourselves or strive to live above them? Why do we even let us imagine a scenario where we loose control of ourselves? If we can imagine a bad scenario, we are just as capable of imagining a scenario where everything works out? Bad scenario is a possibility, not when we have exhausted other possibilities but when we want to use it as an excuse to give up.
          Noone should be killing themselves under any circumstances, with “calm deliberaion” or for “rational reasons” or not.
          Walk away from relationships that are negative. Choose to address the negativity in yourself. The upsurge of insanity that you are talking about, doesn’t happen suddenly even if it seems like it does so. A single drop of acid tricking on a stone, doesn’t seem to harm the stone, but after a certain amount of time, when enough single drops have fallen on stone, the stone begans to erode. Those single drops matter a lot. Small things that annoy us, that are unacceptable to us, unbearable should be spoken about. If we keep it all inside or suffer in silence or don’t confront it, we are inviting insanity. First do what is the sane thing to do in a bad situation.
          I am against hunting, I urge you to stop it.

          1. Dear Khadija,

            Your tale struck me as having been written by someone with exceptional intelligence, creativity, and sensitivity.

            As I read it, I was not expecting the outcome to which it lead. I was taken completely by surprise, and yet I could envisage such a scenario, in the manner that you depicted it, as plausible.

            That people — in this world such as it is — sometimes loose their minds is actually understandable.

            And that some people sometimes resort to extreme measures to put an end to untenable situations is also understandable.

            Anguish sometimes exceeds the bounds of what a person can tolerate, and then that person may become a victim of his or her unthinking impulses.

            I’m not judging Inayat and Idrees. I imagine circumstances over which they had no control and that shaped their lives and personalities and that finally got the better of them, and this is unfortunately a fact of life, in my opinion, that people sometimes succumb to what becomes a complex of unmanageable stresses in their lives.

            (Something for you to read when you have the time and feel the inclination, an about me).

            I’ve often thought about giving up what for the time being remains my passion for hunting. Maybe the day will come when I will.

            As for suicide, I think that in principle there may be circumstances in which it may be justifiable. But maybe a discussion for another day. Perhaps I will write a post on that particular question and we can then wrangle over that issue.

            All the best,


          2. Hi… thank you for sharing that link with me. Ever since your first comment, by the way you had used your words or what you said outright, I assumed that you are someone who is pro suicide; someone who has some sort of relationship with insanity. I knew I could be wrong. But what if I wasn’t. I want you to understand that knowing this was scary for me.I know by showing empathy to the characters or what they did might be misconstrued as encouragement.
            My fear was consolidated when your second comment came in. I really didn’t want to have this conversation, only because I didn’t want to say something that reinforced anything negative in you. At the risk of sounding apathetic, overly pragmatic and like someone who would be unaware of the depth of the situations that people have to go through before they begin to embrace insanity, I said what I said. Hoping that, if not you then someone else who might come across my posts and these comments, may not walk away with the wrong thoughts. I will always be advocating the strength of our choices, of our mind and heart over the circumstances we are often plunged into. And especially, when we are about to pull the trigger. I will shout it from rooftops if I have to. There comes a time, when we can choose even if initially we are unable to. In that moment, you have to decide either we succumb or do something for ourselves…

            But reading your story, has put my heart to peace. Why I don’t know. May be because you have chosen to go beyond the circumstances you were put through and opened up about it and worked on your relationships. Maybe because you have a profound way of thinking.

            As for your post on suicide, I am looking forward to it. I believe in every word I said. Someday, I would like to show you just how intensely and from what place they come from, just as you showed me.
            I don’t wrangle. I have conversations. “We think an artist uses up talent hoping he had more talent but truly talent uses an artist hoping he had more of an artist.” – This applies to me. I am not someone with limitless talent. I have limited talent so I strive to be a limitless person. Conversations and knowledge fulfil that agenda of mine. At any point, I see a conversation going towards an arguement (that is the business of arrogant, obnoxious people), a fatal disagreement that we cannot resolve without killing the purpose of understanding different perspectives, I am out.
            So, pour me a cup of tea or offer me a smoke of my choice and lets converse.

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